Arc Tangent

I apol­o­gise in advance for the fol­low­ing post. I was feel­ing whim­si­cal, hav­ing watched one of Pres­i­dent Obama’s pub­lic addresses, and decided to loosely emu­late the style for a blog post. Con­sider your­selves warned.

My fel­low inter­net users,

Despite rumours to the con­trary, I have not stopped updat­ing this blog. True, my detrac­tors would like me to be silent, if they existed. I say to them — you do not exist, there­fore, I con­tinue to blog!

Even if they did exist, I would con­tinue. At this his­toric time, who could stand idly by, their voice still and silent? When so much is at stake, and so many give their all for the Good of the Inter­net, how could I sit by and not participate?

There are great things hap­pen­ing behind the scenes; great and ter­ri­ble things. Just last week, I was accosted by some lawyers over a pre­vi­ous busi­ness sit­u­a­tion. I thank you all for your con­cern, but urge you not to worry — for we are greater than this sim­ple chal­lenge, and together, we will triumph.

All is not dark­ness. New busi­ness oppor­tu­ni­ties are aris­ing on an almost weekly basis. I have redou­bled my efforts and taken on some new con­tract work — so that I might serve you, the peo­ple, all the better.

Our iPhone devel­op­ment projects pro­ceed with haste, and before the month is out we will have announce­ments of the ear­li­est stages of this ven­ture. We are reach­ing out to shape the future, and the future is cute and cud­dly. Remem­ber these days — you will speak of them to your grand­chil­dren, despite their mock­ery over what will then be an anachro­nis­tic device!

My fel­low users, we are sur­rounded by change. Much has been lost, but there is still so much to gain. Do not give up hope, keep your eyes on the prize, and remem­ber — your arcwhite cares for you.

And damn, those North Kore­ans eh? What a crotch­ety bunch!

The Fly­ing Spaghetti Monster’s Noodly Bless­ings upon you all, and goodnight.